I'm just having thoughts

Editing stupid poems tonight. I actually have a lot to talk about. That said, editing stupid,pathetic, fucking poems.

I don't have the energy in me tonight to really get into the Louise Gluck book I should read up and kindly return to the library. I took out Triumph of Achilles a couple weeks ago, one of the first poetry books I ever read. The last time I read it recently was on the plane coming back from Iceland, the flight I was sure was going to end in my fiery death. I read the title poem again and again because it seems to be a lot about armor which is pertinent to my interests, but the rest seemed vague and intense and confusing. I feel like I understand the book on a whole better now than I did then, maybe because I understand better how quiet and backward really intense anger can be. But maybe I'll read it again in another two years and see something else.

 Section 6. From the Japanese

Alone, watching the moon rise;
tonight, a full circle,
like a woman's eye passing over abundance.

This is the most it will ever be.
Above the blank street, the imperfections
solved by night--

Like our hearts: darkness
showed us their capacity.
Our full hearts--at the time, they seemed so impressive.

The actual full moon is Monday, in Virgo, with aspects to Neptune and Jupiter, but close enough, goodness, I'm going to clean out another closet and go to bed.

speaking of cold realizations (not real update)

My mom and I say the word perspective with the exact same lilt and intonation. Purr-speck!-tvv. (As in, it's all just a matter of)

yeah, I will

1. Wanted to post thoughtful musings about the following alphabetically listed abstractions: college, consequences, failure, fear of cougars, journaling, little things, matchbox twenty, sleeping on the ground, saloon men. 0 for any.
2. Canceling my weekend and going home actually-real update from there.
3.  More cleaning, more throwing out. A season of small finger injuries. What else could there be to report?
4. I bought this too-short skirt because that's how bad I miss summer and to complete my foolishness, I photographed it.

I have a moon in Virgo you see

Keywords this weekend: isolate, interior, practical, productive, cold. Passed the time scrambling up one obscure slope of the Blue Ridge or another. These mountains aren't so lonely as they can seem in dumb poems or paintings.  I think Ingrid Michaelson said it best when she said I don't believe in anything but myself.

I just finished all the laundry and now I'm cooking homemade pad thai in my clean kitchen, and I have just the right wine for it, and there is something inherently and deeply satisfying about all of this.

I think I'll take from mine instead

Balsamic moon in Capricorn (not that I'm counting). I feel hunched and mute, a mood for scrubbing or throwing away possessions, both of which I'm doing tonight.

bury your bad news

This weekend, a perfect stranger told me she always notices me in a crowd by how I seem to be either the brightest or darkest thing in a room. Not like that but the comment struck me. Darkest tonight probably; I've felt like such a grim little thing today. I just washed down my expired St. John's Wort with a glass of alcohol and a bowl of extreme moose tracks iced cream.

That said, moose tracks iced cream. That said, I feel strong and sore. That said, sometimes the littlest jokes are capable of warming my heart up even on the stupidest days. That said, I'm really a simple girl, and here's a small list of things that make me absolutely, purely, dumbly happy starting with quarters, falling snow catching on the light, how I'm really good at not pussing out about using really intense-tingly mouthwash, long hair, the way London weirdo Kate Nash sings the word "bitter" like "I am so BIT-TAH," this one blue bra I have, Mexican food, legwarmers, Poems by Charles Wright that Mention Either Charlottesville, VA or the Specific Names of Months, and coconut flavored bubble water even though I don't even like coconut and it smells like sunscreen. I think I tend to write in this thing when I'm feeling gloomy because it seems to help more then, but a good deal of the other time, I'm going around thinking like, wow, having a clean sink sure makes me happy, and if I have that, that's probably enough for anybody, even tonight.