I feel oddly restless tonight. I think part of it is the weather, part of it is only having a little under an hour to work out on a day I needed to go hard. I'm cleaning, pacing, feel like I'm waiting for something.

It's been a strange and stressful week--a lot of work drama. Maybe because of that fog, the moments of sweetness have felt especially meaningful. I feel like there are a lot of changes coming in my life. I want to write about light things, but I feel heavy. So I'll tell you this: I'm lying on my back on my clean green sheets thinking about the groundhog I can just barely hear outside the open window, down in my dark garden, eating my expensive, carefully-nurtured plants. There's the sound of water dropping off the leaves when the wind stirs them, and a smell on the air like wet campfire. I feel quiet, but intensely awake, like there's a low, strong, cooking ember burning in me.

Direct quote from my batshit stars today

"....Until then, get some practical shit done."

Okay.

Because I'm no good at words lately

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Monday

War wounds

Lovely fires

Primevals 

What starts as a difference of opinion can quickly evolve, leading to a productive day filled with creative adventure. Let go of any preconceived notions or old expectations; sticking to your previous agenda won't serve any purpose in the present moment. Instead, focus on cultivating self-expression and appreciating life's little blessings. Your flexibility leads to success faster than your determination. Thankfully, your positive attitude is enough to set the course of events into motion.

Ugh, go home, Stars, you're drunk. 

sad but true the facts of life are bound to getcha down

I can feel the warm front coming on as the night gets hotter, not cooler. It was one of those days to reflectively mop, so I did so, whilst sipping a cucumber lemon martini like some kind of 50s ghost. Now I'm waiting for my floor to dry so I can walk to my bedroom and go to bed early.

My foot's doing better--just a scar. Today, I acquired some candles and a fishing license, and a gang of guys harassing me in Walmart called me an "ice cold bitch" when I didn't respond to their unsolicited sexual comments about my body. Ice cold bitch. What a thing to be! 

I was briefly tempted to get a plot at the community garden, since my friends gave me some lettuce and radishes from there, and they were pretty good. They seemed like they were having fun working there together. My garden doesn't have enough light to do proper vegetables, and it would be nice to have a new project to invest in. Still, I barely have time to keep the little batch of viola and hostas and herbs I call a garden looking good, I probably ought not to get delusions of crop grandeur. 

So, I don't know. More than anything right now I want to crawl in bed and watch the Star Wars prequels and see Darth Maul fall to his death. My tired little heart wants what it wants.

Megan Boyd flies, because I like them

Happy full moon in Scorpio. It's making me hungry.

hunger for another night

I hate this: being too weak to go make mead, or drink with my friends last night, but well enough to clean and put away my winter clothes, mop, and slowly plod around my lonely house. Infection is a funny thing, a thing I don't have a lot of experience with. It feels like a betrayal from the body I routinely abuse and deny--which is to say: a deserved betrayal long coming but none the less jarring. It's such a little cut.

So I'm taking very good care of myself. I have my small concessions: especially chocolate milk. I'm wearing a shirt which makes my breasts look really nice, to impress the spiders I'm sweeping away, or the pigeons poking around on the roof outside my window. For dinner, I made myself broth and ate it alone out on my garden steps. Now I'm eating Haagen-Dazs strawberry sorbet at my desk directly from the pint.

 I had to tell my mom today that one of her old friends had passed away . She'd been away all week at an ecology camp with her school kids, so she hadn't heard, and it didn't seem right for her to find out on facebook. She started to cry on the phone. I felt ineffective and heartbroken, and like I haven't done very well for mother's day.

There are storms out to the west, but I think they'll likely break up on the mountains. Today has been damp, but it's made everything flush green. The pansies in my garden are going crazy, and my tall pink snapdragon is blooming.

Somehow, I feel like I won't really be sleeping much this evening.

Beach cheekbones--real post soon