she tells fortunes with a deck of leaves until it comes out right

I keep meaning to update about my adventures up north, but my health has not been so good. Suffice to say, the whole thing was like Bilbo's birthday party meets the Great Gatsby, which is to say very overwhelming and fun and good pictures that I'd like to put up, but after it all, I'm just so tired and weird-feeling. A little too Gatsby, to tell you the truth. Also long bad sentences with too many commas. I'm not much in the mood, but I've been working on this little post in my head for a while, so here's a entry of snips, a device I haven't utilized in a while.

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I drew the reversed Magician today. Sometimes my interpretations feel more realized by the end of the day, and in this case, by now I see it in my own context as a sudden crushing reality, wasted, fruitless efforts, ineffectiveness.

Stirred and gloomy, I made the mistake of then reading my own cross tonight and it was genuinely quite terrible. It was like a bad joke made up of all my secret--or pathetic, glaringly obvious---fears.

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Jay has these kittens. He is out of town, so we look at them.

I went into his kitchen to get some water and I ran into some drunk, long-haired hippie boy apparently wandering the house. He asked me "Are you living the dream?!" I thought he said drain and so I was pretty confused, but then he clarified. That sounds like a fever hallucination, and that would be a fair guess this week, but it really wasn't.

It is a good question though.

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I'll say it: I'm ready for autumn. I've got that poem about the pharaohs and boys and love and jank that I always go on about this time of year stuck in my head. Also Robert Hass's line from the Problem of Describing Color. It's so plaintive and genuine and hopeless to me just now. "How could you not love a woman who cheats at tarot?"

I think I sound really stupid when I try to talk about why I like the poems I like in this blog.
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I do like, however, how long my hair is now. I'mma get it dyed again tomorrow and that will make me feel happy and confident.

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Here is a very good picture of the farm that I did not take.

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I had this moment Wednesday morning where I woke up at my house for the first time in a week and stepped out into my garden. The air was very cool and everything was a little damp from an overnight rain. The light caught up on all the water and mist; everything was gleaming and beautiful. I thought about all the wonderful blessings in my life, the rare and talented people I've come to love. I'm lucky enough to be a very common girl surrounded by uncommon people.

Then I saw a snail hanging on one of my tall white garden phlox and I went into a blood rage. I'm gonna execute some Order 66 on those motherfuckers this weekend. And also maybe paint my kitchen cabinets.

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Okay, but really.