Just forget about it--I'm such a hot little problem tonight.
I'm going out of town tomorrow. I feel a little frazzled. I'm looking forward to it, but it also feels oddly hard to conceptualize. I guess the last time I took a week off to do something vacationy it was Iceland over 3 years ago, before I even started this blog. It's kind of unknown to me. I don't think I'll take a real week off this time--probably work remote, but still. I feel this sense of guilt and lurchiness, like I'm in trouble, or I forgot something crucial, like to say goodbye. Which is admittedly pathetic, but this is my dumb blog and I'll write whatever stupid things I like. I'm always stuck between the fact that I like to stay positive and that I like to stay honest with this thing.
I guess maybe if we're being super honest I feel a little otherwise depressed, which is jarring. I imagine a lot of it is not being able to exercise, and job things, but I keep thinking too much and doing that thing where I dredge up shit to torture myself. It feels easy to do that right now: I keep thinking about this thing my mom said to me recently in particular, which is even more stupid and out of character.
Ugh, so, what else, what better. The night is cool and dark. I only barely resisted buying a dumb deer sweater when I was out trying and failing to buy a bikini today for said relaxing vacation. I'm burning some incense. My facebook ads have magically changed to show a particular set of fireplace cookware I've had my eye on. I don't know. It wasn't even a bad day at all. I just feel badly; I want to turn off all the lights. I don't know what I'm waiting up for.
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