they're gonna eat me alive if I stumble

Listening to Metric and tooling around in my kitchen like a jerk. I have so much to do today but it's all kind of getting stuck in my brain. I'm not having very good mental weather.

I had a fun time yesterday going to Cville and taking some boys shopping. I felt like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Justin got a new job and needed some nice clothes and Curtis... just... didn't have any clothes. Like he only has a t-shirt. He reports to the guy who briefs the President. But just the one t-shirt.

It was pretty successful--they looked great and seemed to be happy about what we picked out.

*

I've been thinking a lot about identity lately, so here's a couple things about me:

-I sleep curled up because when I was little I used to pretend I was a fox sleeping in a thicket as a way to fall asleep when I couldn't.

-I categorize my life by which National song I can't stop listening to. Two years ago was "Mr. November"and then last year it was "Lit Up." I don't know what it is right now, maybe "Friend of Mine" because I'm always like I'm getting nervous!

-I like cops. I know there's systemic abuse of power that needs reform and that my feelings are definitely influenced by the treatment I receive as a privileged, young white woman. But when I was a little kid, twice I was afraid for my life and a cop stepped in and "saved the day." You don't forget that kind of association.

-I'm not a good friend. I take very particular care of a small handful of relationships and then sort of botch. I don't return emotional messages. I forget to call back. I don't initiate. I constantly need to remind myself to be a better listener. It's a bad thing about me that I'm aware of and try to fix. I'm not sure why I'm like that.

-I have a sweet tooth for shitty pop music.

-I do my best thinking in my car. My car is very messy.

-I have a bad shoulder but good tits.

-I love to cook but I'm not so much for baking sweets. A lot of girls casually like to bake, but I only bake if I really mean it. Another cooking thing: it makes me kind of uncomfortable when people cook "for" me. In my family, when we have dinners and stuff, everyone is in the kitchen together doing their part of it.

-I think confidence is the most important thing.

-I'm afraid of the dark but sometimes I forget.

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