I feel like this and I never hated you

Somebody in the know with me asked me a couple weeks back: "Are you angry, or are you actually just angry at yourself?" And that was true. Forgiving myself is a bit of a thing for me. Forgiving myself for letting myself be treated the way I am sometimes. Forgiving myself for eating my lunch at 10 am. (Which, let's face it, is the cruelest thing I could do to myself. Past me is a real cuntbag.) I always find it easier to forgive others, or at least just start feeling plain old sorry for them, than to forgive myself.

Another piece of advice I received from a different person was "Maybe you need to just spend the summer in Tir na Nog taking really good care of yourself." 

But I'm a little tired of angst. I'm a little tired of breathless analysis of trial and revolution. I have work to do, or at least good chores, jerking off, and the excellent and interesting work of keeping my fucking shit together. I'm making a watermelon mead with Chris. I've untangled my garden and rolling it out. I changed my blog avatar because my other one looked kind of sad, and for as many dumb overwrought feelings as I pour into this space, I am a happy, grateful person. There's more of that relentless hopefulness in me than I'd like to pretend sometimes. I am the George Armstrong Custer of optimism.


Last weekend, I went to DC with some friends and saw a hundred hundred kites. It was pretty.  The wind was dead, but then it kicked up just as the sun was coming out, and everything rose up and illuminated.

Rules for Kites:

1. All kites must be of two designs: 

                                               A. Dragon-shape

                                               B. Classic shape

2. A kite should feature a good long tail of ribbons; this is not optional

3. A kite should be large if you're gonna spend so much time getting it up, right?

4. Kites can be all colors, but especially preferable are: red, white, and neon colors (Not blue. That's what the sky is for.)

5. If it's not shaped like a dragon, I guess a bird or fish is acceptable.

6. But seriously, why even fly a kite if it isn't shaped like a fucking dragon?