It feels like no season I've ever known. Yesterday, on the 7 miles of the hike, I was sweating at times and shivering at others. The wind on top of the narrow mountain backbone switchbacks felt like it would like to tear me off, fling me down on that valley I love so much.
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I realized that something of my current preoccupation with self harm is feeling worthless, and that's the difference for the peculiar and unusual flavor of what has been going on with me the last few months. I also realize that's nobody's fault but my own, no matter how much I gasp and flop around like a landed catfish.
Today I'm going to clean house. Last weekend I cut the stalks of sunflowers and tomato skeletons, and today I'll clean the leaves and decaying morning glory out of my flower beds. Maybe if I have time, throw a little topsoil on. Wash the sheets. Scrub the floor boards.
But now, I'm just drinking coffee. I swept the front porch. I have the windows open again. I impulse bought a dress from American Apparel in the color "moonlight."
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Next weekend is my mom's birthday, so I'm going up to NoVa, but by myself. No dog. No Josh. I always used to be going around traveling by myself, but I haven't done it in months and months. I won't even go to Charlottesville. I've been holed up here.
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I've never done this and I think it's kind of stupid: I doubt anyone is reading this, let alone reading this for music recommendations, but sometimes I find my life chaptered up by songs I like. Just for my own remembrance of this time, like how 2013 was Mister November, I'd like to remember the last year and a half, when this song was the song I liked.
I like how half way through the song, at been riding lots of trains, same ones as you it turns into a different song. Sometimes halfway through a thing, it turns into something else. And I like the lyrics.
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