here I am with my hand

I wish this weekend would just be gentle with me for a little while. Kindly, you know? I think please be nice to me is the most pathetic thing in the world to think, and I find myself thinking it so often. I keep thinking I want a return to my confidence and original fire, but maybe I'm just actually like this.

It's hard to find a direction today. I didn't sleep well, and it makes me unfocused. I need to work around the house, but I think I would rather lie on the floor with the windows open and think about my many shortcomings. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans that are too big for me and look bad. This morning my banana tree has unfurled one big leaf.