I have been having a struggle-time recently, feeling down and depressed and low energy. Today was a long one. A lot of bills and paperwork, forms to fill out and send in, 300-some pages of tech writing at work, errands to run, kitchen to clean, then finally heading to gym around 7. A friend gifted me a fancy literary journal subscription for my birthday, and this week, the first issue finally arrived in the mail. Once my day was finally done, and I was home and showered, I got a glass of wine, put on my new most sexy and soft sleepy pants, and lay down on my bed with the rotten cat to enjoy the most recent and best esteemed writing of the day. So as to educate myself on current literary affairs. I'm some kind of fancy shitass poet, you know.
But then, instead, I opened up this blog and made a top ten list of my all-time worst t-shirts:*
1. Bad Axe Michigan t-shirt, navy blue with yellow lettering, formerly belonged to my father, who I believe stole it from my grandfather, whose people came from that degenerate place. Extremely soft, tied up at the waist to make it fit my girl body. Paint splattered from that time I worked as a technical writer for my dad's drug dealer's landscape business/money laundering scheme in college, and I got bored and painted his "office" shack red.
2. Little boy's section medium blue dragon graphic t-shirt, with the neck cut up to look slutty, circa 2011.
3. Gray t-shirt from my fancy, well-esteemed graduate program, used exclusively for gardening, cut up to look slutty.
4. Arcade fire t-shirt, stolen from Isaac because I was mad at him for a reason I can't remember, but turns out he stole it from Eli to begin with, causing my vengeance to fall flat. Makes this list because what kind of fucker owns an Arcade fire t-shirt? Mark of poor character.
5. Urban Outfitters blue dragon crop top. I spent an untoward amount of money on this shirt. An utterly untoward amount of money. Cut up to look slutty.
6. "Technically I write" black fitted t-shirt a woman I haven't met yet (because she's in Mexico?) bought me as a welcome present for my new job. Too real, lady.
7. Red oversized workmans t-shirt from my dad's failed landscaping company/possible money laundering scheme in the late 80s.
8. Urban Outfitters black dragon t-shirt dress featuring a snake-wrapped rainbow eight-shaped ouroboros just kidding this is the most quality garment I own and it was on sale for like 9.99 and I look like a tall glass of dark and frightening sex in it, I guess I'm just bragging now about owning this beautiful piece of t-shirt art
9. Star Wars Empire Strikes Back blue graphic t-shirt with the neck cut out to make it look slutty. I got it because even though it's the movie poster style graphic on it, it features Han and Leia prominently, and those shitboy/girls are my favorite in the old trilogy.
10. Actually, I don't have a tenth entry on this list: in fact, despite having abandoned my other plans to write this list, I'm not that big on t-shirts and I've tried to reduce the sentimental junk I hold onto and only keep things I actually wear. These are the worst shirts that also I really wear quite often, which in some ways, makes them even more terribly worse.
T-shirt List Retrospective:
I felt pretty good about composing my t-shirt list in lieu of looking at anything in that literary journal. A big reason was that it reminded me that I own several dragon graphic shirts, which is a worthwhile thing to consider in my own estimate. Maybe I should try to get some more dragon content. It makes me happy and always looks good, no matter the occasion. Dragons are always appropriate.
Something I made special note of was that many of these t-shirts had been altered by my inept scissor work, since I am picky about necklines I find constricting, also, sometimes it's nice to show my shoulders. Other of these have been knotted up at the navel, so they don't look so baggy and shapeless.
It's probably time to throw out the grad school t-shirt; I never liked it, and mostly kept it as some kind of reminder to myself that I was very smart and got into a very important school, which is a poor, shallow reason to hold onto anything. Also, it's the one shade of gray that doesn't look very good on me, and has a dumb rooster on it because my adviser at the time was freakishly into the weather vane atop the writing building and took it as a kind of sigil.
*I've been sorting through my clothing and organizing/downsizing.
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