How will I know what I'm forgetting if I don't write? I'll surely remember the big pieces of this year, the literal volcanos and earthquakes and the metaphorical ones too, but what small things will I lose if I don’t hang onto them? Little things like the stupid blue delphinium that bloomed its little head off for the first time, or waking up in unfamiliar woods and finding that the night wind left me a walnut hull with a tiny white feather inside, or the feeling of the crows flying just over me, skimming my hair as I run, or being inside the cloud of yellow jackets, tangled in my hair, pouring into my boots and how each sting was a sweet little electric kiss. 

Today is the day I'm putting up my bird feeders. It’s already caused several brawls on my porch. I can see them out the window as I work, and sometimes it seems like the birds can see me in here working. I have three suet blocks, a small feeder in the catalpa, the big one down by the birdbath. I’m trying the suet in a few new places so I can see if they’ll come up to my kitchen window. I don’t know that it will actually work or that they’ll find it, but it would be nice to look at them out the window while I’m cooking. Because of the curse or whatever, it will probably just attract yellow jackets, but a girl can be optimistic - even this girl. 

The herbs and peppers are in for the season, but I’ve left my beds in terrible dismay. Both mowers are broken too, so the whole effect is pretty sloppy. But I made dangling bundles of herbs, garlic, and bunches of cayenne peppers so I feel like at least the kitchen looks nice, and I can reach everything I use easily. My hanging baskets are filled with onions and shallots from the farmer’s market, and lemons, which I feel like I’ve been cooking with absurdly often since getting all hooked on Alison Roman. My big blue bowl is filled with Arkansas black apples, although I’m running low on those and expect the season is done. 

When I went on my graveyard run today, the leaves were getting all blown down and swirling around me in big gouts of gold and orange, and I saw a massive buck walking just a few feet from where I was. I crouched down because the wind was going in my favor for him not smelling me, and it’s a thing that deer have a hard time puzzling out a human shape if you’re not standing upright. He passed right in front of me, stopped, and looked down at me like “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”