Ha, so, I have this document where I keep notes to myself that I don't want to forget - reminders not to do specific stupid things, grocery lists for specific places, packing lists, ideas, shows I want to watch or books I'd like to read. I was making a list in there and scrolled down to see something I've had on my "personal reminders" since this time last year, when I was incredibly bad emotional space:

You are a giant aquatic sleeping salamander, the only extant member of the genus Cryptobranchus, and you don’t need anything except the cold silence of a dormant creekbed.

Pretty good, right? I liked the meditation I guess, even if it's obviously a very depressed person thing to write. And it's true that there are salamanders all over the woods this time of year - sure, probably a few rare giant ones still left in remote hollows, deep in Appalachia. But more commonly, little efts as bright red as embers in the leaves, or those long, thick dark ones with blue dots that look like the night sky at Elkhorn. They're all still there, down in the black loam or under creek rocks, sleeping in dead logs. And when it snows, they'll go on dreaming. And so will I. 

But enough of that! Dreams are fine, but I wonder if I can get the front porch replaced before the garden season. It's getting to be that time of year that I can at least start thinking about it. 

I picked up scallops at Costco yesterday, so I think tonight I'm going to make this really good creamy pan-roasted scallop dish from my fancy New York Times cooking. (Note to self: cancel some of your fucking cooking subscriptions!) It reminds me kind of tikka masala sauce because it's bright and tomato-y but also creamy. And I do have some nice bread for it. I bundled up and went down to get my Reunion pickup this morning. It was nice and cold, and I stood under the little heater outside to wait for the loaves. I like doing things like that around my little town. 

Tomorrow will be out to Deerfield for an overnight. I'm going to make another batch of jerky over the fire with Jay, and it will be good to be cold and outside doing things with a small group of friends. I like to cook on the big, old fashion cast iron stove, and to walk down to the Little Calfpasture and look at the cold water. I should make myself take some pictures. I feel like I didn't take too many over the last year. It's Mercury Retrograde, so I'm thinking about the past and other times I've been out there. I hope it's a quiet, cold, refreshing kind of time. I know I need to reset a little bit. Get some good sleep in the cold woods.