There's something I wanted to write about a while ago, and it reminded me again a little bit ago, and then today, so I'm gonna write about it.
It was Valentines day, the last big snowstorm the Valley had, which is why I'm thinking about this. One of our friends was staying with us, snowed in, and on Valentines' morning, he got up and went out in the snow. I was working remotely up in my tower, so I could see him out in my backyard stomping out a heart in the freshly-fallen snow. He came up to the second story and took a picture of it to send to his far-off lover.
He saw me looking at it at some point and bragged, joking, about his gesture. He said, "Don't you wish that was for you?" I don't think he was being intentionally cruel, just sort of remarking.
I'm not by nature an especially envious or covetous person. I have secret little wishes in my heart like every person, I suppose. I have needs.
I guess I have thought a lot in the last months about what sustains me, what gives me value--to the world, myself, and others. What I want and what I need. I was walking home last night in the snow and the moon was so incredibly bright: a Cheshire cat crescent, live as a wire against an electric blue sky. And I remembered a lesson hard-learned: I'm responsible for myself. I'm on my side. When I look at these stupid mountains and skies that I love so much, and enjoy them, raw, I know: all of this is for me.
(A different moon.)
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