the moon came and impressed her

I went back to Lynchburg this weekend, briefly. Cities have such distinctive feelings to me. Harrisonburg, for instance, is big and genuine, homely, friendly, open. Charlottesville is thrilling, frightening, sharp-clean, thickety-green and associative.

But goddamit, do I hate Lynchburg. It just has this terrible sense like something awful is about to happen, or just finished happening. Everything is covered with this slight yellowish haze of dust or grime or particulate, and the angle of the light is always sideways, indirect. The downtown is all pre-civil war industrial warehouses that jut up like skewed rotten teeth on the listless wet mouth of the James. It feels relentlessly haunted, but not by any potent ghost, more like the spirits of barely-known drunk twenty year olds who drowned in the river, the dead homeless, and my own former self.

The last time I went to the Lynchburg riverfront it was spring, my last year at Hollins. An old professor was reading from her book, so I drove out and brought her flowers in a mason jar. Afterward, I went out with her and my mentor to this little hole in the wall bar that served red wine. I ordered a Stella Artois.  I remember it being pitch black inside and ornamented with huge, shiny steer's horns.

I remember exactly where it was--this little tucked away corner, a dark place on a dark street. Since we got into town a little early Saturday night, I tried to find it, but couldn't, and now the whole thing feels like a dream.

I'm not in a good mood really this weekend. I realize that, and I think it's okay for now, although I shouldn't let it become a habit. I feel guilty about it, and sorry for the people who have to put up with me. Tonight, I made an adequate lasagna and served it with an adequate wine. There's snow on the way. I feel really fat, but also really sore: the worst of both worlds.

The best thing was going for a hike earlier.

 

 

 



Also, I bought myself this blue chalice. Not because it was practical, or I needed a drinking vessel, but because I wanted it, and it was blue. I meant to use it for my shameful hobby but so far I have used it for my shameful regular life.
Achtung!