it's okay to be afraid

Today's, of course:

I went out after today and bought three bottles of wine, a block of gouda, and burgundy red fuck-me lipstick, then decided I wanted none of it and went out to plant sunflowers in my bare feet with my dog with a beer instead. I feel gentle, soft, but very prone to suddenly weeping in a strange way that is not entirely like me. I am not the kind of woman who has ever been prone to asking for much, even maybe when I should, but I did ask for some squash plants today, and I planted those too, in a nice spot. I'm sitting on my half rotted porch now, with my catalpa tree squat like an old man, and dirt under my fingernails, and trying to make something of all my thoughts.