A little soft and sad today. I had a dream that's stuck with me most of the day and given me a little wistful, melancholy feeling. The dream's energy being so close, it's easy to touch those emotions about it.

I think I'm a little upset at my mom. I don't really do much with tarot anymore, but on a whim, I drew a card today and it really resonated- the empress in reverse. Classic mommy issues. Her father is dying, and I know I need to be patient with her as she's dealing with that, but I have a few things from this year that I can't quite let go of that seem to come out in the worst ways of micro-bad-behaviors from me. 

A frequent one is how often she goes on and on about how worried she is about my tremendously successful, perfect brother and how, by contrast, she doesn't worry about me at all. (She literally says this to me.) I'm the child that always lands on her feet. She even told me last visit "You were so upset this winter and now it's like nothing happened, you're totally fine," which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard and so like, willfully ignorant of my life or emotional space. I don't want her to spend all her life angsting about me the way she does my brother, and I'm proud that I'm a capable person who keeps moving forward and doesn't just stop functioning when things are hard. But damn, that does sting a bit. 

Anyway, enough gloom and doom from me for now. I went on a long run and tried to catch up at work a bit.  Showered, fed the dog. I picked a few of my graveyard oyster mushrooms for the spicy Korean soup I'm making tonight, although I think I need to go out for some kimchi and I might as well get groceries if I'm doing that. Well, well. These small chapters.