I was a long, long way off

I think I can say here, even if it'd be a dirty jinx to put it anywhere else at this stage in the process.

I might just have a book deal.

For right now, though, I'm sitting on my front porch. There's a rainbow up. It's raining, but the sun is coming out. I'm going to spend the weekend in the woods. I drew the heartbreak card today. It's a strange reading, isn't it?--but it feels right. My heart is a little broken. To feel things, sometimes, to be real--you have to break. I was so afraid of that for so long. I was afraid to tell the truth. I was afraid to be real.

Speaking on what is real: a couple weekends ago, I stood calf-deep in an icy creek talking to my friend Chris, a wonderful man I've known for almost a decade, a man I've grown up with. And we talked. He had black coffee and whiskey in a pewter cup. I had a bottle of cava. We talked about our dads, our dreams, our little registers of people who have been cruel to us, our disappointments, what we've held back. We talked about magic, about the things that made us happy.

There's so much here in my own small life. You just have to live it. There's always, always, always more.