I'm just deciding to be okay with all my emotions right now. I'm unstable, mercurial, retrograded, but there's some fire in me too, some lust. I'm not sitting around feeling bad, except for sometimes, really late at night when I'm probably just drunk. But I'm really gobbling up my life. I'd think some dumb planet was running backward, but it's not. I'm doing good work though. That's the best anyone can do. I talked to my cousin on the phone over the weekend, and that's what we said to each other when we hung up, our family line, the last words my grandfather was able to say when he still could speak: "Keep up the good work."
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I ran last night late under the big full moon. My running partner had been hauling out asbestos all day at his construction job, and was having a bad run. Usually I'm chasing him, but two miles in, he was gassed. He said, middling out to a lazy 8 minute mile pace, "you know cultures only evolve through suffering" and I said, "Are you talking about anthropology or this run?" and he said "yes" and then told me that I reminded him of that old lady Sith witch from the Star Wars Outcast video games, but all the while very earnestly assuring me of how it was really a compliment.
He's just a kid, and I don't think we'll ever be really close friends or anything, but I like the earnestness. I'm a little faded out on people who will just say anything.
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I think I look good right now. A homeless man and a lady in kroger have both told me "You look very beautiful today." I'll take what I can get. I'm having a hard time.
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I'm kinda thinking of getting my next tattoo, since I have some more income. (Yes, I also paid my bills.)
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